Bachelorette Party Bummers

Attention, bridal parties everywhere. It is time to call notice to a noxious nuptial phenomenon slowly but surely tainting and infiltrating one of our most time-honored wedding traditions: the bachelorette party. You remember bachelorette parties: the long-heralded legacy of sending your single gal friend into matrimonial bliss in sweet but salacious style. Keg Stands. Karaoke. The odd mechanical bull. But times they have a 'changed.

Blame feminism, blame the FCC, blame the backlash from exploitative girl-flashing footage. The point is for every opponent to Girls Gone Wild, there's another bachelorette party gone dreadfully mild. Somewhere between painting spice racks, chaste bridesmaid gifts and virgin strawberry daiquiris, the raucous Bachelorette party as we know it is being endangered by a tedious and oppressive alternative. (Insert vision of sedate dinners, lame games, suffocating flowers and one never-ending slide show here). Hello, it's your bachelorette party, not your wedding. Please don't bore us out of our minds twice!

No doubt about it, bachelorette parties have gone from raunchy and rousing to downright dull. I have suffered through several of these bleak affairs in silence but now I am forced to protest. Bridal Party, I am talking to you: this is your bride-to-be, your blushing best pal who picked out your bridesmaids' dresses and will choose your bridesmaid gifts. Give the girl an event to remember! Below, WeddingStand shows you how.

Same time, same place? No way! Sure, there's comfort in the familiar, but imbibing the same old happy hour martinis at your usual Friday night watering hole feels like just another Girl's Night Out. For a bachelorette party, something out of the ordinary is essential. There needs to be new experiences, exciting stimulation, unusual sights. Whether that means Vegas or Vietnamese food is your prerogative, but at least think beyond the local bar. Be creative while keeping your bride's best interests at heart and come up with a truly unique celebration venue: petting zoo, tattoo parlor, gay cabaret, astrology soiree, etc. We don't have to be psychic to predict your generosity will pay off in better-looking groomsmen and more lavish bridesmaid gifts.

Beward Bridal Boredom. As Queen Bachelorette, the bride's excitement dictates the morale of the entire group. A moping or apathetic bride is a bummer to the entire bachelorette party. Whether it's takes a cardio class or a tequila keg stand, it is the Maid of Honor's job to make sure the bride arrives pumped up and primed for an unforgettable occasion. And if she resists? One of our most wicked bridesmaid gifts, personalized cocktail mixes, come in pretty innocuous pastel packages perfect for spiking drinks. Just a thought....

Weekends Only Please! We'll say this once: an 8 o'clock weeknight shindig does not a bachelorette party make. The entire axis of bachelorette parties' rotates on a percieved lack of inhibition, and if your actions are dictated by the grinding knowledge that you have to get up at a grizzly 7 a.m. for work, you are automatically inhibited in the amount of fun you can have, and thus the entire party is invalid. A Friday, Saturday or preferably whole-weekend affair is the only way for the bridal party to really let their hair down, cut loose, and feel the warmth of the spotlight on a time-honored party night. Bonus points for rocking these sweet bridesmaid gifts while you get your groove on: Swarovski crystal bachelorette tank tops are sure to get your girls noticed!

Tough Crowd. Another important factor of bachelorette party planning is considering the crowd. Mystic Mojitos and Dirrrrty Drag Shows notwithstanding, if the crowd in the bar is a bummer, a bachelorette party has no chance of flourishing. Regardless of what other perks the bar offers, if the snooty regulars are not amenable to sixteen chicks in candy necklaces and furry handcuffs parading into the joint, you are not going to be able to relax and have a good time. Ditto for crappy service. Nothing brings down a bash like slow drinks and dirty looks from fellow patrons. Even a dive bar can feel like a grand affair if the mood is festive with major free-drink potential. Kick things off with these sweetest bridesmaid gifts and a body shot or two for a truly unforgettable night-or at least a truly unforgettable fifteen minutes before you black out.

Case the Joint. Although it is not a good idea to go to your regular spot, going somewhere you have never been is also risky. Make sure to case the joint beforehand, whether that means interrogating the maitre'd on the phone or glove-inspecting the party room yourself. Read tons of reviews, check out the drink menu online and make sure to find out group gratuities, reservation policies, split plate charges, etc. Not the dominatrix type? This organizational bridesmaid's gift helps you tame your bohemian side!

Do Not Reject Bachelorette Paraphernalia. I was at one bachelorette party where the MOH provided the Bride with a lovely mock veil and ball and chain to wear on her big night. The Bride promptly removed it, thus greatly subtracting from the spontaneity of the event. Similarly, a friend of mine recently received a bachelorette party invitation that specified no phallic paraphernalia was welcome. Give us a break! It's your bachelorette party, and no one is too cool to be chained to a blowup sailor or branded with henna obscenities. Repeat: no one. It's your bachelorette party, baby! Live it up. On that note, we like these naughty bridesmaid gifts....

Blushing Brides A Must. Now, maybe a lucky lap dance isn't for everyone, but at her very own bachelorette party, some bridal squirming is simply essential and greatly adds to the merriment of the bridal party. Remember, she'll have her chance to look implacably perfect and alluring on her wedding day. Now it's time to redefine "blushing bride". Whether you take her onstage at a comedy club, force her to sing Billy Idol's "White Wedding" karaoke style, or drag her through town in a toilet paper veil, she will have her moment of humiliation. And if she picked out lame bridesmaids' dresses or stiffed you on bridesmaid gifts, this moment will make you feel sooo much better.

Endless Occasion. While it is critical that you don't feel pressure to cut the night short, being stranded at an endless bachelorette party is also unbearable. One friend of mine was forced to attend an all-day bachelorette party on a boat that left at 8 in the morning in the midst of a heat wave. Ahoy, awful time! Skin cancer is not our idea of festivity. If you want to indulge your nautical side, stick to a dinner or disco cruise with a tangible "Land Ho!" option. As for long-weekends or destination bachelorette parties, plan carefully for an event everyone will enjoy, with plenty of options so people can show up and leave at their leisure. Themed bridesmaid gifts, like sunglasses or flip-flops, help bachelorettes better enjoy the day.

Follow this guide for Bachelotte Party Do's and Don'ts and you will not only throw one sweet rager to be remembered, you will also go down in history as a Bridesmaid Saint and rake in big-time with the bridesmaid gifts. Party on, bridesmaids!