The 7 Great Marital Myths

MYTH #1: And they lived happily ever after.
Reality: Happiness doesn't just happen, you make it happen. And don't expect to be happy all the time; you weren't before you got married - why should you expect to be afterwards?

MYTH #2: I like my spouse just the way they are, and they should never change.
Reality: People do change, and you need to both expect change, and accommodate it.

MYTH #3: Outside forces won't affect a good marriage.
Reality: Outside forces can, and often do, cause major disruption in a marriage. Financial problems, illness, job stress, and family crises can all cause major problems, and the more you believe that they shouldn't impact your marriage, the more likely it is that they will.

MYTH 4: Fighting means that the marriage is bad, and leads to the breakdown of the marriage.
Reality: It is normal to disagree with your spouse on occasion; have you ever known anybody else with whom you agreed, or who agreed with you, one-hundred percent of the time? You and your spouse need to be able to discuss your disagreements, but bear in mind that the objective is to clarify any misunderstandings, not to "win."

MYTH 5: A good marriage will always proceed smoothly.
Reality: All marriages experience periods of discontent, where one or both partners are dissatisfied, and may re-evaluate their relationship. Recognizing such a period for what it is will allow the marriage to grow, and can lead to an even better relationship between you and your spouse. Avoiding problems and conflict, at any cost, will almost always result in the growth of the marriage being stunted, or worse.

MYTH #6: Your spouse can, and should, fulfill all of your needs.
Reality: Everybody has different needs, at different times, and a given person's needs may even change from time to time. Nobody can fulfill someone else's every need, and believing that your partner can fulfill all of your needs, or you theirs, is sure to lead to dissatisfaction, and unhappiness.

MYTH #7: If you are unhappy in your marriage, get divorced - you will be happier.
Reality: A high percentage of divorced people, particularly those with children, report that if they had it to do all over again, they wouldn't get divorced. They found that they had only exchanged new problems for old ones, and that they missed sharing their life with their spouse.

Anne P. Mitchell is a licensed attorney specializing in family law for fathers and men, and is the author of "7 Ways to Ensure Well-Adjusted Kids After Divorce", "The Truth About False Allegations of Abuse", and "Parental Kidnapping: Prepare for it - Prevent it". Ms. Mitchell may be contacted at 1-500-HIS HOPE.

Questions may be addressed to dearesq@ungroomd.com or to:
Dear Esq. c/o Anne P. Mitchell,
3140 de la Cruz Boulevard, #200,
Santa Clara, California 95054

© 1997 Marrying Man Group