Review of "Bad Bridesmaid: Bachelorette Brawls and Taffeta Tantrums-Tales from the Front Lines" by Siri Agrell

"I had taken a cab to an undesirable part of town to have my hips measured at 8:00 a.m. by a Portuguese seamstress with little sympathy for my hangover or winter weight gain. I'd spent a hundred dollars on canapés to feed women who earn more than twice my salary, and spent a night lying on the cool tiles of my kitchen floor praying for death after drinking too much sangria at the shower."

So begins Siri Agrell's all-too-familiar account of bridesmaid duty. What isn't quite as common however, is that Agrell endured this typical attendant cocktail of embarrassment and errand-running, only to be kicked out a.k.a "fired" by the bride in question. Her offense? Agrell questioned the validity of such wedding hype in a national newspaper column. "Bad Bridesmaid: Bachelorette Brawls and Taffeta Tantrums-Tales from the Frontlines" is her hilarious account of the experience.

Not only is this book laugh-until-your-mascara-runs funny, it poses some interesting questions about the bridesmaid institution, from bridesmaid gifts to historical context. What I found most piercing about the book, however was the central question it raised: why are the rules for bridesmaid behavior so different than that of general female friendship? Agrell wonders: when modern friendships are based on frank and even brutal honesty, a la Sex and the City, why is bridesmaid duty the one thing you can't you're your friends the truth about?

And it's a valid question. Indeed, in the millennial era, it is perfectly acceptable to trash your friend's romantic relationships, openly mock their fashion choices, and make fake puking noises over the bizarre food combinations they eat during their menstrual cycles. In fact, some would call this behavior the definition of modern female friendship.

And yet the second you don the taffeta and tulle, honesty becomes taboo. You can look at the same person whose workout suit you called an "unsightly nod to Olivia Newton John" and still be utterly unable to tell them that just perhaps, matching colanders might not be every girl's dream bridesmaid gift without risking nuptial expulsion. As Agrell puts it "My friends are not the kind of women who shy away from calling each other's bluffs or pointing out when one member of our group is being silly and unreasonable." So why, she wonders, does becoming a bridesmaid suddenly render a whole new set of friendship etiquette? The girl's got a point.

And yet for making it, Agrell found herself summarily dismissed over cocktails at a local bar, on the grounds that her column was spreading "negative energy" around the bride's wedding. Agrell was floored. Sure, she said, she had mentioned that being a bridesmaid was expensive and stressful and that a mere bridesmaid gift was small compensation, but she rationed that was just like saying that Weight Watchers was hard and frustrating. Though from Agrell's point of view she is just being factual, her metaphor adds illuminating insight to the real reason for this bridal divide: by comparing bridesmaid duty to a weight loss regime, she inadvertently admits that what the bride sees as the ultimate honor, Agrell, like so many attendants, sees as the ultimate fun-free chore, akin to a diet.

And from the bride's perspective, this light-hearted social comment on bridesmaid duty was an unforgivable sin. Even when Agrell attempted to grovel and apologize to the bride's friends and family, the bride remained firm. "You can do that if you want," said the bride, "but my cousin is wearing your dress." Ouch!

As she puts it, "How could an eight-year friendship come to an end because I had made fun of bridesmaid dresses and the content of today's wedding registries?" (8)

The worst part of it is, the Bride still expected Agrell to attend the wedding-which she did. And she lived to tell about it in a book that is now recorded for posterity in your local bookstore. It is unbelievably hilarious, so buy it and think twice before, as Agrell humorously recounts, asking your attendants to don control top pantyhose in 80 degree weather.