10 Rules for Picking the Wedding Party
Losing sleep trying to figure out who goes in your wedding party?
Maybe you can't choose just five of your friends out of your entire gaggle of girls. Maybe you're unsure if you should pick your groom-to-be's sister, who you've talked to twice. Maybe you just want to know if your bridesmaid gifts should be the same price as your Maid of Honor's gift. Read on for 10 wedding party etiquette rules.
1. It's Up to You. Don't let people pressure you into picking "randoms" for your wedding party. You don't have to pick your long lost "best friend" from kindergarten because she let you barrow her pink crayon. Start with the ladies you've known the longest, the ones who have stuck by your side through everything, and your closest relatives.
2. Pick Early. This isn't a last-minute task. Your bridesmaids have to get dress alterations, make hair appointments, plus plan numerous pre-wedding gatherings. Choose your attendants at least six months in advance.
3. Will You Be My Maid of Honor? If you have two sisters and you're close to both of them, pick the sister who is closest in age. Despite popular belief, you absolutely can have co-maid of honors. Divvy up the Maid of Honor's role between the two well before the wedding date. Otherwise, they won't know who has to fix your gown or plan your bachelorette party.
4. Left Out? Assign them a Roll. She's hurt that you didn't give her a Will You Be My Bridesmaid cookie card. She might not be a bridesmaid, but you can still make her feel important with a roll -- guest book greeter, reader, or put her in charge of the gift table. Never give a girl who isn't in your bridal party a bridesmaid's job (i.e. bachelorette party planning, wedding dress shopping, or shower planning). That isn't including her; it's insulting. Reserve the big jobs for those girls who get bridesmaid gifts.
5. Pick One of Your Groom's Sisters. You don't have to invite all of his seven sisters into the wedding party. But try and pick one, to keep the peace and start your marriage off on the right foot. This "rule," only applies if his sisters are near and dear to you.
6. Rules for Bridesmaid Gifts. It's customary for the bride to get gifts for her wedding party, including bridesmaid gifts, junior bridesmaid gifts, and flower girl gifts. Bridesmaid gifts don't have to be identical, but they should cost the same -- with the exception of the maid of honor's gift, which can be slightly more expensive.
7. Toasts. Consider public speaking skills when you pick your wedding party. Your groom-to-be's best friend who has a tenancy to give impromptu, embarrassing speeches is probably not the best choice for a best man. And if your super-shy best friend blushes at the mere thought of giving a speech, tell her short and sincere is fine.
8. Ring Bearers and Flower Girls. Everyone loves their kids and will want them to join your wedding party! Kids are cute but keep in mind that flower girls and ring bearers should generally be at least four years old. A two-year-old toddling down the aisle sounds adorable in theory, but it never turns out the way you pictured. Bench your hyperactive nephew, who suffers from ants-in-the-pants syndrome. Likewise, your super shy niece should also be kept on the sidelines.
9. Groomsmen. The groom's retinue usually includes the bride's brother, but it's not a definite. He picks his entourage. You can't get upset if he picks his 80-year-old grandpa or his burping, farting frat friend.
10. Mixed Gender Bridal Parties. If you decide to have a Man of Honor or your groom chooses his sister as best man, give them the appropriate attendant gifts and attire. For example, your groom can get his sister a bridesmaid gift and she can wear a black dress, instead of a tux. With the new way weddings are done, soon no one will think twice about it.
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