10 Things Never to Say in a Wedding Toast
 Everyone observed Holly Montag's (sister of Heidi Montag) terrible Maid of Honor toast. Not only was Holly obviously inebriated, she went into a long and incomprehensible spiel about love potions, sprinkled in a few obscenities, and followed it by throwing a potato and staining the bride-to-be's very expensive purse. After that display, Miss Montag (now Mrs. Pratt) probably wishes she could revoke Holly's Maid of Honor title and bridesmaid gift.
To help the Hollys of the world, here are 10 things never to say in a wedding toast:
1. "The groom and I had a thing once...." Bridesmaids are supposed to acknowledge the bride's relationship to the groom. Not their own sorted history with him.
2. "As a bride, you look like a less-skanky Paris Hilton..." Don't compare the bride to a celebrity, unless that celebrity is as classically beautiful as Audrey Hepburn. A better line: "You're a beautiful bride..."
3. "I remember your first wedding..." Now is not the time to mention previous nuptials. For all due purposes, this is everyone's first wedding.
4. "I'm so sorry your grandma couldn't be here today..." If someone passes away, it's up to the bride and groom to memorialize them the way they see fit. It's not a bridesmaid or groomsman's job to bring attention to deaths in the family.
5. "You married into a crazy family. Good luck with your monster mother-in-law." Not everyone gets your caustic sense of humor. Limit your jokes to the bride and groom and the sweet things they've done together. Remember, this is a wedding toast, not a roast.
6. "Congrats on your pregnancy..." Do not divulge secrets in your wedding toast! Even if you're 99 percent sure that everyone knows because they can see her protruding baby bump, you shouldn't mention it. There's always that one guest who hasn't heard. In short, don't let family secrets slip in your speech.
7. "I never thought you'd find anyone, but at age 35, you're finally wed." So the bride might have had a marathon as a 'maid. You're glad she found a partner, but don't add the word "finally," in your speech. Focus on the positive. "I'm truly happy that you and [insert groom's name here] found eachother. Let's hear it for the new couple."
8."Anyone want to vote on how long it takes these two to have kids?" Despite the toungue- and-cheek context, it's offensive and rude to remark on the couple's future reproductive habits.
9. "I always had a crush on the groom, but she nabbed him first." Mentioning your crush on the groom isn't cute -- unless it was in third grade. Bridesmaids should focus their kind words on the bride and leave the feelings they harbor for the groom out of the speech.
10. "The bride recently lost 20 pounds...." This isn't a Weight Watchers meeting, it's a wedding. Sure, she's proud that she shed some pounds in bridal bootcamp but most likely doesn't want it announced to the wedding guests.
Take a look at ThePerfectToast if you're having trouble with the right words. And if you're a bride and your bridesmaids do an outstanding job, reward them with our expansive selection of bridesmaid gifts.
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