Diary of a Wedding Guest

Dear my third friend to get married this summer,

First let me say how happy I am for you! I had a crazy-awesome time celebrating your love. On a selfish note, your wedding this year allows me to choose the do's and don'ts from your big day to create my own perfect wedding. Your successes and failures start as a jumping off point for my planning. For that I am truly grateful.

While this is surely an important day for you, please consider what your day means for me. Just like you, I bought a new dress that must look great in the soon-to-be-flaunted Facebook wedding pictures. By the way, a camera for bridesmaid gifts is pretty lavish. For my bridesmaids, I'll stick to a budget-friendly personalized flask.

Having a Sunday wedding undoubtedly saved you money (maybe that's how you got the kickbutt bridesmaid gifts?) Anyway, your Sunday event means I had to take Monday off from work. Thanks. I could stop drinking at an appropriate hour, but my friend from college, you only get married once! Maybe twice.

Thanks for registering at common shopping location. Finding you a gift was easy, but not cheap. As one-half of a couple living in an apartment that's total square footage equals the entire bedroom I grew up in, let me tell you a little secret:

• You will never use 3 out of your 4 new mixing bowls
• Full sets of white wine, red wine, martini and Bordeaux glasses will not fit in your cupboards
• The champagne glasses used during your toast are gorgeous, but who drinks champagne besides on New Years?

Taking into account the dress, use of a personal day,wedding gift (plus wrapping paper, card and bow) and gas I am out at least $300.

So really, attending your special day now challenges my senior prom in money spent for one party. The least you could do is ensure there is a proper old people/young people ratio so the partying doesn't stop after the cake cutting. An iPod plus the douchy maid of honor's boyfriend doesn't exactly make me want to get up and dance.

I'm hiring a real DJ.

With Love,

Ginger Breadmen