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 To the inexperienced ear, women complaining about bad bridesmaid dresses are often dismissed as superficial and shallow. Those out-of-the-nuptial-know assume that when we talk of bad bridesmaids dresses, we are simply referring to aesthetic horrors in less than savory hues. In truth, the objections against bridesmaid dresses are far from merely narcissistic. Honestly, most of us accept that we really never will wear it again. And we're fine with that. One opportunity to wear a swimming pool blue sheath with matching boa is enough for all of us.
But the fact is, bad bridesmaids dresses aren't just about appearances. No, no, that's just the tip of the iceberg. Bad bridesmaids dresses inflict physical discomfort, compromise your modesty, cut off your air supply or make you sweat like a flashdance extra. Here are the top types of bad bridesmaids dresses, and their disturbing side effects.
Unseasonable Dresses. Yes, wearing ochre in August feels a bit err, unorthodox. But any bridesmaid would be willing to sport the sallow hue to support our bride on her big day. What we can't abide by is an ochre velvet gown with a Victorian ruffle neck and a bustle in a 90 degree church with bilingual ceremonies. Sounds far-fetched, but this is exactly the sort of sacrifice expected from bridesmaids all the time! And for what, two scented candles or some other dimestore bridesmaid gifts that scream "re-gift"? We don't think so.
Similarly, other bridesmaids are expected to shiver in sheaths at outdoor October weddings, with nothing but one of those little lacy scraps for warmth over their blue frostbitten arms. Hypothermia in exchange for one teeny bridesmaid gift? So not worth it, but again, this is just something brides expect.
Figure-distorting dresses. On the same note, it is perceived as incredibly bratty if you don't want to wear a dress that isn't body-flattering for you. As always, this comes across as simple narcissisism, even though the wrong dress for your body type can cause incredible physical discomfort. Bone corsets stabbing the rib cage, halters cutting off throat circulation, a too tight gown that severs your oxygen...you could potentially pass out! Who wants an oxygen tank for a bridesmaid gift? And yet, if you say "I'd really prefer A-line over mermaid" you are viewed as superficial and a bad friend.
Dresses that make a mockery of your modesty. Forcing well-developed bridesmaids into strapless gowns they can't wear bras with, flat-chested attendants into strapless dresses that barely stay up, backless gowns that expose way too much back.... these kinds of things happen all the time, but brides are totally oblivious. If they find a dress they like, they don't care if their bridesmaids nipples are in their dyed-to-match shoes, or that a flat bridesmaid had to duct tape the neckline of her strapless gown to keep it up. We would never choose this kind of discomfort for any other occasion, so why is it so socially acceptable in this one instance? Remember brides, sometimes the best bridesmaid gifts are simply dresses that fit.
Dresses that are age-inappropriate, nee era-inappropriate. It can be hard to discern what is age-inappropriate for each particular bridal party, but a good rule of thumb is that if includes a bonnet or a bare-midriff, its probably unacceptable. Dressing forty year old women up with those little hair flowers of festooning twenty year olds in high-necked formals is just ill taste. Also, any sort of era-type accessories including pantaloons or fishnets are also taboo. We assure you, you will regret it. Save that sort of kitsch for the bachelorette party or for bridesmaid gifts.
Build-your-own bridesmaid dresses. A horrible spin-off of bridesmaids separates and reality television, some brides are now triumphantly presenting their attendants with a swath of material and telling them to create their own dress "with the seamstress of their choice." Translation: bridesmaids will now be expected to design and finance a couture dress made of scratchy peach satin. As if the cost of alterations weren't bad enough, now bridesmaids are required to build their gowns from the ground up, scheduling in numerous fittings, consultations, and having to endure extended contact with snobby ateliers. It's fun for those who loved Project Runway, but for the rest of the bridesmaids with 9 to 5 jobs and bills to pay, it's just a big pain. Give the best bridesmaid gifts of all with already assembled gowns!
For more crucial updates on wedding etiquette, bridal trends, bridesmaid gifts and more, enjoy our fun-filled articles and advice section at www.weddingstand.com.
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